Current Location
by Tropicalna
Summary: Sure he enjoys being able to go wherever he wants, but sometimes Zetsu wishes that the leader wouldn’t give him missions like this. One-shot, implied DeiNaru


**Current Location**

**Sure he enjoys being able to go wherever he wants, but sometimes Zetsu wishes that the leader wouldn't give him missions like this.**

**Just poking fun at Zetsu. XD There is implied DeiNaru in here, but only just a brief glimpse that even you homophobics shouldn't worry about it.**

**Disclaimer**

**The Naruto Cast does not belong to me, they belong to Kishimoto Mashashi.**

**Anything that does not belong in Naruto belongs to me, unless said otherwise.**

**Key**

"Word**" Talking/Zetsu White Half**

"**Word" Zetsu Black Half**

'_Thought_' **Normal Thought/Zetsu White Half**

'_**Thought**_**' Zetsu Black Half**

* * *

_**Current Location: Iwagakure, Cheap Inn**_

Zetsu watched with distaste as ex Cloud ANBU member Hitori Fugachi banged two women in a rickety old bed. He _hated_ to watch.

Don't get him wrong, Zetsu enjoyed doing what he did. He got free, tasty food, he was part of an evil organization out to take over the world, and he got to peek into people's private lives without them knowing, thanks to his special ability.

However, there were times when he wished he didn't have to spy…like right now, for instance.

"Ah, ah, Hitori!" one of the women cried in ecstasy as she neared her climax.

Zetsu felt like throwing up. He would rather eat these people than watch them have sex. But the leader insisted that they watch anyone of notable interest for at least a week before letting Zetsu eat them.

The last, and only time Zetsu had disobeyed this rule, was when he first joined the organization, and he never did it again, the punishment being so severe that both halves were now unquestionably loyal to Pein.

As the three finally fell asleep, and Zetsu checked the clock. 12:01 A.M. It had been a week.

Zetsu grinned.

"**Snack Time.**"

* * *

_**Current Location: Kumogakure, Black Market**_

'_Now this is _much _better._'

"_**Except we don't get to eat anyone…**_"

'_Yet. Have patience._'

Zetsu watched from a shady spot in the underground Black Market, located right under the Raikage tower. The man didn't even know it, which showed how smart _he_ was.

But as long as the man remained unknowing, it worked in his favor.

Eventually a pudgy man leading a young child, probably no more than ten, walked up. He was holding a sack full of what appeared to be ryou. Without hesitation he walked right up to the plant man.

"Here it is, Zetsu-san." The man handed over the money and the rope that was tied to the girl.

"Ah, good. **You hurried this time.**" Zetsu yanked the child into the shadows, and she, the child, whimpered fearfully.

"I have other business to attend to." The man gave a shifty smile, black beady eyes twinkling in the dim lighting.

"**So I see. **Go on your way then. The favor has been repaid." Zetsu pocketed the money and gave a dismissing wave.

"I will see you later, Zetsu-san." The man gave a mock bow before setting off.

'_**I dislike that man with a passion.**_'

'_He seems okay…_'

'_**Leave it to you to be the nice one.**_'

'_Shut up.'_

'_**It doesn't matter anymore…we have other matters to attend to.**_" Both eyes turned to the girl, who now looked tastier than she had five minutes ago. There was a savage grin, and he led her farther away.

* * *

_**Current Location: Kirigakure, Akatsuki Base**_

Zetsu ran his tongue along his chapped lips. Food…

Smiling evilly, he inflicted another cut on the girls face, relishing how she cried out in pain and thrashed, trying to get away.

"So cute…**How you try to get away, even though you know, **that there is no escape." The plant growth's on either side widened, and he prepared to finish her off, when the sound of footsteps reached his ears.

Glancing up, he saw Konan enter the room. In a nanosecond her eyes flashed to Zetsu, then to the girl he was crouched over.

"Zetsu…" she said in her emotionless tone.

'_Of fuck._'

'_**Here we go…**_'

"Let her go, immediately." Konan ordered.

"Konan, this is today's meal." Zetsu said. "**And we wish to finish what we started. So…shoo.**" It would probably earn him a rebuke from Pein later, but right now he didn't care. He was hungry, and if he wanted to eat this tasty morsel in front of him, then he would do so.

"…"

"What is going on here?" Pein entered the room, eyes flashing dangerously as he quickly assessed the situation.

'_Damnit._'

'_**Why'd he have to show up **_**now**_**?**_'

"Zetsu, release the girl." Pein said flatly. "Konan, do with her what you will."

"**But our lunch-**"

"Zetsu, there are plenty of other people around to eat, probably tastier than she is. Now let her go." Pein said in a threatening tone.

"Fine. **But don't think we'll let the next one go so easily **just because Konan wants them for whatever **damn reason.**" Zetsu slashed the bonds before melting into the ground, muttering angrily to himself.

Konan smirked in satisfaction. "Hello new maid…"

* * *

_**Current Location: Otogakure, one of Orochimaru's bases's…**_

Zetsu deftly plucked the wrinkled and shriveled hand from the desk it sat on. The room was dark, which was what Zetsu preferred anyways. The light just let you get caught, and since he could see through the blackness, total dark was the best for him.

He glanced at the ring on it and, yep, it as the right one.

"**I don't understand why he waited so long to retrieve this stupid ring.**" Zetsu's black half complained.

"Probably because Pein did not plan on recruiting someone for a long time." His other white half said.

"**But who?**"

"The Kyuubi jinchuuriki…you know he's become almost as powerful as Itachi, and then there's the matter of his affair with Deidara…"

"**Oh, yea…I see. I don't think he's going to join though.**"

Zetsu started to melt into the floor, preparing himself to head back to the base in Kirigakure.

"Pein-sama has his ways…this just might take a bit of convincing, reasoning, and force."

The black half snorted.

* * *

_**Current Location: Sunagakure, Main Road**_

'_Wait for it…wait for it.._'

The black half smirked, eye gleaming predatorily as they watched a man come closer…closer…closer…

_CLAMP!_

The Venus Flytrap lunged out the wall, clamped his plan growths around the man and then dragging him back into the wall, all the while as the man screamed in horror.

'_**Mmmm…Tenderly baked naturally by the sun…**_'

'_I love eating Suna people…_'

'_**Good job on the catch, Zetsu.**_'

'_You too, Zetsu._'

* * *

_**Current Location: Konoha, Naruto's Home**_

"And that is why Leader wants you to join." Zetsu finished up.

Naruto looked at Zetsu with a bored expression. "No."

"**Told you he wouldn't come willingly.**" The black half chastised the white.

"Shut up." Came the answering growl.

Naruto as not sure whether to be amused by their conversation, or weirded out because technically they were one person conversing with each other.

"**Hehehe…**"

"Anyways…" Their eyes centered onto him again. "If you won't come willingly **then we'll force you. And if we can't force you **then we'll just eat you."

"And if you can't eat me…?" Naruto pressed. He had opted for the 'amused'.

"**Nonsense. Of course we'll be able to eat you.** But in the case we can't, then we'll go get Itachi, who will most likely drag you to the base, where all chances for salvation will be gone **and your demon will be sealed up. We'll eat you after the ritual.**"

Naruto bit down on his tongue lightly, then shrugged. "What the hell…I like it with you guys better…plus Deidara is there." He stood up. "Where to, Zetsu-sama?"

Zetsu raised his eyebrows and smiled. "**I change my mind. I like this kid.**"

* * *

_**Current Location: Kirigakure, Akatsuki Base**_

Zetsu relaxed on a recliner, watching the other members lounge about the room.

His eyes quickly passed over Deidara and Naruto, who's cuddling had started to turn into foreplay.

"Get a room you two!" Kakuzu snarled, a look of disgust coming over his face as he watched them for whatever god forsake reason.

"Oh shut up, un! You and Hidan do this all the time!" Deidara shot back. Kakuzu had no reply, and Kisame laughed at the banker's dispense.

Itachi was quietly reading a book, while Tobi fiddled around with…his gameboy thing. Zetsu could never remember what it was called.

Hidan was behind the couch, performing a ritual, and every few minute Zetsu could hear the dripping of blood and the sound of flesh being torn through by some sharp, random object.

Pein and Konan were…somewhere. He didn't want to know.

At that moment water started to be sprinkled onto him, and his eyes drifted upwards to see the girl he had 'rescued' sprinkling water over him via watering can.

Deciding not to question the way of things, he just tilted his head back and soaked in the water.

* * *

**What do you think? Sorry about putting the DeiNaru in there, but this story needed **_**some**_** sort of plot, and that's what I came up with.**

**Constructive Criticism and Compliments welcome. Flames and Spams will be laughed at.**

**Tropi**


End file.
